I can honestly tell you all that the past few weeks of this quarantine have involved me feeling a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative. I can also honestly tell you that I am still figuring out how to effectively navigate through this time. As many of you already know, I’m a pediatric nurse. I know that the world must think the hospitals are being swarmed with a ton of patients and that all nurses are working day in and day out to save the lives of dying people. While this life may be true for many ER and ICU nurses, the pediatric nurses in my hospital are sitting at home waiting for shifts because no one is bringing their children to the emergency room. While I am happy that everyone is staying safe at home, I am also stuck at home trying to live a life that I have never been used to before. I have been working since the age of 12 years old and have never been the type to stay at home without a steady source of income. Although I am lucky enough to have a husband who can provide for our family, it can be extremely frustrating at times to know I am not out there being the “strong independent woman”, I have always prided myself to be.
To top everything off, I am the mom of a beautiful but VERY ACTIVE 7 month old girl. Not only have I had to adjust being home constantly, but I also had to learn to do this with a baby! At first, things were great. I was so happy that I was going to get to spend time with my baby girl, cook, clean, concentrate on my online classes, and even work out. Well ya girl was truly mistaken! Trying to create a schedule that revolves around a baby is hard work and honestly very frustrating. It seemed that just as I was able to accomplish one thing, there were 100 other things that still had to get done. On top of this, I wanted to be the perfect wife, since my husband was always at work. He’s a doctor and works directly with COVID patients, so of course I put pressure on myself to make sure he had a home cooked meal, clean clothes, and a clean house.
Well guys, the breakdown finally happened one day and I realized I couldn’t do it all. I was crying to my husband, explaining to him how I couldn’t handle doing everything on my own and was barely making it day by day! Well guys, he looked at me highly confused and straight up asked me why I thought I had to do all the things I was complaining about. This conversation was truly a game changer because the very next day, I decided it was ok to take a nap instead of washing clothes and that it was ok to just sit down and play with my baby girl instead of cleaning the kitchen. Basically, it was ok to JUST BE. The conversation was also helpful in that it challenged my husband to step up and help out when he did have day off.
Now I am not going to lie to you guys and pretend that everything has been perfection since the day of that breakdown. I have still had moments of weakness and being over-tired. I get upset that I cannot leave to work, or have my friends come over, or even just spend time with my mom. But now when I find myself freaking out, I simply just put everything down, and do something nice for myself. The other day I found myself filling up the bathtub and throwing in all of Payton’s bath toys. I put a bathing suit on and sat in the tub with my baby for about an hour and it was fun! Sometimes when Payton is down for a nap, I do my nails and put on a facemask, while I scroll through Pinterest.
Times are hard for everyone right now. Even if you’re not struggling financially, you may be struggling emotionally and that’s OK. But I challenge you to stop during the times of frustration and just do something for YOURSELF. You can’t be the wife, mother, friend, or any other role you might play in life if you are not at peace with yourself. Good luck everyone, I promise, you’ve got this.
Love your honesty! So proud of you❤️