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  • Paige W.

I'm no Cupid but...

Updated: May 1, 2020

I cannot tell you guys how many times I have heard the comment “I would never marry a doctor…I don’t know how you do it”. At first it was something that would upset me. I moved in with Manny during his second year of residency after we tried to have a long-distance relationship for a year prior. I thought moving in with him would allow me to see him more, and boy did I have a rude awakening. I always knew residency was difficult, but I did not realize how much harder we would have to work at our relationship during this time. This move also came with me leaving behind my family and best friends, which I must say left me feeling pretty lonely at times.

I have now lived in Miami for two years, and just as I started to think we had this relationship down pack (scheduled movie nights, putting away phones at the dinner table, bae-cations, etc.), our beautiful daughter entered into this world and changed things up a little bit! This post is going to fully cover my solutions for a successful relationship when married to a busy man and having a baby. READY SET GO…

1. COMMITMENT. Manny and I decided very early on that we knew our relationship would not always be easy. We started out as a long distance relationship during his 3rd year of medical school. I would fly out on weekends to wherever he was doing a rotation and quickly return home for class (I was getting my BSN at the time). These weekends were filled with fun romantic nights and would end with me in tears at the airport, wishing I didn’t have to leave. Now let’s fast forward to when residency began, and Manny’s stress levels sky rocketed. He would leave at 5am and return home at 8pm, ready to go straight to bed. It was during this time that we saw how important commitment was. We loved each other so much, but knew that without commitment, our relationship would not last. We created a calendar to plan out dates and quick weekend getaways with just the two of us and we spoke often of the future we saw for our future children and ourselves. Manny and I decided very early on that no matter how rough things got, we would always talk about our feelings with each other and not allow anyone else to have a say in our relationship. We turned our relationship into a duty, vow, and obligation.

2. WORKING AS A TEAM. This was not something that came easy to me when we first began our relationship. I was always independent and therefore always did what I wanted to do. I worked several jobs while obtaining my degree and still managed to travel, party, and pay my bills! When I began dating Manny, we fought early on about my desire to do what I wanted without having to explain my reasoning. I felt that I should be able to go wherever and spend time with whomever I pleased. When Manny first brought to my attention that he thought we should begin to make decisions as a couple, I was pissed! In my mind I thought to myself “How dare he try to control my actions!”. But as time went on, I saw that it would sometimes hurt his feelings when I would jump and do things without considering his feelings or opinion. This was when I saw the importance of working as a team in a relationship. Although I felt as if I could do as I pleased, I realized that it was something that had a negative effect on our relationship. I decided it was time to compromise and share my decisions, opinions, and whereabouts with Manny. In the end, it brought our relationship to a higher level. We quickly realized that our individual choices had direct effects on our relationship. I now couldn’t even imagine either one of us making plans or creating goals, without sharing it with each other.

3. FIND LAUGHTER. Every relationship has its ups and downs. There were times in my relationship with Manny where we were both really hurt or extremely upset. But there are even more times where we have had fun and laughed harder than anyone has ever made us laugh before. It is these fun times that overshadow the negatives, and during hard times, it is easy for us to make up by recalling an inside joke or reminding each other why we are committed in the first place. Having fun came even more into play after having our daughter Payton! Those sleepless nights can truly take a toll on a relationship! We decided to take each day and find the laughter within the hard moments. I still laugh harder than ever when I think about the first long distance trip we decided to take and how overwhelmed Manny became after 20min when Payton was screaming of hunger and we had to pull over. After trying to breastfeed her in the backseat of the car at a gas station, Payton pooped so hard that it got all over her outfit. To top it off, as we were changing her, she continued to poop and it almost spilled out into the car. After finally getting Payton together, Manny released the biggest sigh of relief and I laughed harder than ever while making the statement “20 min in and we are still standing with only 2 and a half hours left to go”. Who knew such as small human could cause such havoc, but in the end bring so much laughter to a situation! Find the laughter, and your relationship will continue to thrive, I promise

4. KNOCK DOWN YOUR WALL. My relationship with Manny gets better every single year because more and more walls are broken down. Every year that passes by I learn more about him as a person and he learns more about me. It truly allows us to love each other on a deeper level as time passes by and that is a special thing. It is almost as if, the love cannot fade because every time I look around, there is a new part of Manny that I have learned about and have gained love for.

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